For many teachers, it鈥檚 a painful irony: They spend their days educating and caring for other people鈥檚 children, but the system isn鈥檛 set up for them to care for their own.
Few school districts offer paid parental leave. Most schools don鈥檛 accommodate teachers who are breastfeeding. And when a teacher has a miscarriage or a stillbirth, they鈥檙e often required to dip into their own sick leave鈥攐r report back to work before they鈥檙e physically or emotionally ready.
鈥淕oing back to children is really, really hard because you see what you were envisioning the whole time you were pregnant,鈥� said Elizabeth O鈥橠onnell, a former elementary teacher who delivered a stillborn baby girl, Aaliyah, in December 2020. 鈥淲hen you go back to that after you lost those dreams and those things you鈥檝e been thinking about, it鈥檚 torture. We keep it silent, we don鈥檛 talk about it, we remember why we鈥檙e there鈥攊t鈥檚 not about us, it鈥檚 never about us.鈥�
There鈥檚 no data about how many educators experience pregnancy loss, but it鈥檚 likely relatively common. About 77 percent of teachers are female, and many are of childbearing age. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, and in the United States, stillbirth鈥攖he death of a baby after 20 weeks in the womb鈥攐ccurs in 1 out of 160 pregnancies.
Yet many school districts don鈥檛 include pregnancy loss in their bereavement or parental leave policies. According to the National Council on Teacher Quality鈥檚 database of the 100 largest districts in the country and the largest in each state, just over half of those districts offer paid bereavement leave, and fewer than a quarter offer paid parental leave. None of the bereavement policies mention pregnancy loss, and just three of the major districts explicitly mention leave for a pregnancy that does not result in a live birth鈥擝urlington, Vt., Elk Grove, Calif., and Wichita, Kan.
And while most school employees can instead use their paid sick days or unpaid leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, people who are trying to get pregnant often try to save that time for parental leave when they eventually have a baby. It also feels invalidating to have to fight for your loss to be recognized as worthy of bereavement, educators say.
By you not giving me the time off, you鈥檙e telling me, 鈥楾hat was nobody. Get over it. Go back to work, and act like everything鈥檚 OK.鈥�
澳门跑狗论坛 spoke to several women who have experienced pregnancy loss while working in schools. While these experiences are difficult, the educators said they hoped sharing their stories would break down the stigmatization and silence so often associated with miscarriages and stillbirths.
When Jacquelyn Mancinelli, a high school English teacher in Voorhees Township, N.J., had a miscarriage in 2014, she returned to work the next day. A new hire, she was afraid to take sick days or even share her loss with her colleagues. Two years later, she delivered her son, Richard, at nearly 34 weeks in an emergency cesarean section. He died an hour later from fetal maternal hemorrhage.
Grief-stricken, Mancinelli didn鈥檛 even think to ask if she qualified for bereavement leave.
鈥淢y whole world had been turned upside down,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 ask for anything to support myself.鈥�
Mancinelli, who now has two healthy daughters, started an organization called last year to support teachers who have experienced infertility and pregnancy loss. Already, eight schools have established chapters鈥攎ostly in New Jersey, but also in New York, Maryland, and Nebraska.
The group鈥檚 main initiative has been to encourage teachers鈥� unions to incorporate language in their contracts that explicitly includes pregnancy loss and failed fertility treatments in district bereavement leave policies. So far, six local teachers鈥� unions in the Garden State鈥攚ith support from the New Jersey Education Association鈥攁re pursuing this language in contract negotiations. It鈥檚 also actively being considered by local unions in Oklahoma, California, Rhode Island, and Indiana.
Having this language clearly enshrined in a contract will allow teachers to take time for themselves after a loss, instead of having to fight with the human resources department at their school, Mancinelli said.
鈥淎ll of this is so personal, but when you need that support, it鈥檚 helpful to have it explicitly in the contract so you don鈥檛 have to demand it鈥攊t鈥檚 available to you to take,鈥� Mancinelli said.
鈥楾his is an equity issue鈥�
Mancinelli introduced a measure at the National Education Association鈥檚 annual representative assembly this summer that called for the union to share sample language state and local affiliates can include in their contracts.
The language says: 鈥淎 pregnant employee who suffers a pregnancy loss (including, but not limited to, chemical pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, miscarriage, [termination for medical reasons], stillbirth, neonatal loss) shall be eligible for bereavement leave. An employee who suffers a failed fertility treatment (including, but not limited to, [intrauterine insemination, or IUI], [assisted reproductive technology], surrogacy loss) shall be eligible for bereavement leave. Employees must submit bereavement documentation upon request.鈥�
The measure passed, with 84 percent of delegates voting in favor.
Petal Robertson, the secretary-treasurer at the New Jersey Education Association, said she鈥檚 already heard from several leaders of unions in other states who are interested in learning more about the language.
鈥淭his is an equity issue鈥攊t鈥檚 a necessity for our families, our mothers, and even our fathers,鈥� Robertson said. 鈥淲e鈥檙e in a system where the expectation of the educator is always to sacrifice themselves and to bounce back from whatever the tragedy might be, and with this work, we鈥檙e asking that educators put themselves first and put their needs first.鈥�
鈥淚 used to think [teaching] is a great job for being a mom. ... But it鈥檚 not like that.
Mancinelli said some district staff have argued that conditions like ectopic pregnancy鈥攊n which a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, causing the pregnancy to no longer be viable鈥攕hould qualify for medical, rather than bereavement, leave. Others have proposed that bereavement leave should count for pregnancy loss only after a certain number of weeks.
She鈥檚 hopeful that sharing educators鈥� stories will help inform and sway districts. A long-standing culture of silence and stigma around miscarriages, particularly those in the early weeks of pregnancy, has only recently started to change.
Last year, U.S. Sen. Tammy Duckworth of Illinois and U.S. Rep. Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts, both Democrats, ensure employers provide at least three days of paid leave for workers after a pregnancy loss, failed fertility treatment, a failed adoption arrangement, or other diagnoses affecting fertility. In both the Senate and the House, the bills were referred to committee without a vote.
This summer, Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, a Democrat, that mandates that employers鈥攊ncluding school districts鈥攑rovide two weeks of unpaid leave for workers who experience pregnancy loss, failed adoptions, unsuccessful reproductive procedures, and other diagnoses affecting fertility. Utah Gov. Spencer Cox, a Republican, also recently three days of paid bereavement leave after a miscarriage or a stillbirth to people who work for a public college, a local government, or the state鈥攂ut school districts are not included in the new law.
Similar bills have been introduced in at least 10 other states this year and last, said Elizabeth Nash, a state policy analyst at the Guttmacher Institute, a research and policy organization focused on sexual and reproductive health. Major cities, such as , , and ., have also recently enacted similar policies.
Bereavement leave is already fairly common among private employers, and a growing number of companies, including Goldman Sachs and Pinterest, are starting to expand their policies to include pregnancy loss.
鈥淚 think people are beginning to realize that pregnancy and pregnancy outcomes are sometimes very complicated,鈥� Nash said. 鈥淧eople have the sense that once you鈥檙e pregnant, and you have a wanted pregnancy, at the end you have a baby鈥攁nd that鈥檚 not always the case.鈥�
These types of policies could become more controversial in the aftermath of the U.S. Supreme Court鈥檚 June decision to overturn the constitutional right to abortion. At the NEA meeting, one delegate opposed the contract language, fearing it would give personhood to a fetus.
Nash said many of the bills are tailored specifically to miscarriages and stillbirths, rather than the more general umbrella of pregnancy loss, which could apply to abortion. Boston, Portland, Ore., and Pittsburgh do include abortion in their policies, which from conservatives, including former Vice President Mike Pence.
Women share stories that are all too common
On the first day of school this year, Kathryn Vaughn, who was almost nine weeks pregnant, started bleeding. She went to the doctor, who confirmed that she was experiencing a miscarriage and prescribed her medication to help the process along.
The news was devastating: Vaughn, an elementary art teacher in rural Tennessee, had welcomed her first child last year and was eager to expand her family again. But she wasn鈥檛 able to take time to process the loss or physically recuperate. Instead, Vaughn went to work the next day, even though she was still actively miscarrying.
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 anticipate how much physical pain [there would be], and then dealing with all the blood,鈥� she said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 like you鈥檙e going through a labor, contractions, while you鈥檙e trying to smile at children鈥攊t鈥檚 monstrous.鈥�
Vaughn had drained her banked sick leave last year to scrape together a couple weeks of maternity leave. At the start of this school year, she received an additional nine sick days and three personal days, but she didn鈥檛 want to use any of them for the miscarriage: 鈥淚 would like to try again to have another baby and would like to have more than just nine days with them.鈥�
鈥淚 used to think [teaching] is a great job for being a mom鈥攜ou鈥檙e going to work the same hours as your kids, everyone will understand what it鈥檚 like, most teachers are wives and mothers, too,鈥� Vaughn said. 鈥淏ut it鈥檚 not like that.鈥�
This spring, May Saengpraseuth Alirad, an elementary social worker in Chicago, found out that she was experiencing a 鈥渕issed miscarriage鈥� at eight weeks pregnant, meaning that her baby was no longer alive, but her body had not yet recognized the loss. Still experiencing pregnancy symptoms, she continued going to work, crying every day.
鈥淭here were times when I had to run into the closet to cry鈥攊t was just so traumatic for me,鈥� she said.
A few weeks later, her water broke. Over the weekend, she experienced contractions and eventually expelled the pregnancy tissue at home.
Alirad went to work the next day, but was too distraught to focus. She took the rest of the week off to grieve and plan a memorial service for her baby, whom she named Angel, and assumed the time off would be covered by Chicago Public Schools鈥� bereavement leave policy, which covers the death of a child. But her manager called her to tell her that the policy didn鈥檛 apply to miscarriages.
鈥淚t was the invalidation of it,鈥� Alirad said. 鈥淏y you not giving me the time off, you鈥檙e telling me, 鈥楾hat was nobody. Get over it. Go back to work, and act like everything鈥檚 OK.鈥� I couldn鈥檛. I couldn鈥檛 act like everything was so OK. I was so distraught; I was crying every day.鈥�
Alirad took a leave of absence for two weeks through short-term disability. During that time, she began to heal. By the end of the two weeks鈥攖he amount of time CPS educators can take for bereavement leave for the death of a child鈥攕he was able to get through the day without crying.
鈥淚 just needed the 10 days that I should have gotten,鈥� Alirad said. 鈥淚 needed that time off, I needed to process. I needed to be home with my family. I needed to sleep.
鈥淲hen you find out that you鈥檙e pregnant and you see those two lines, your whole brain rewires itself. You鈥檙e planning now for a baby. When you find out you lost your baby, you鈥檙e 鈥� grieving the future that you鈥檒l never have. The future that you鈥檇 have with this baby that you鈥檝e never met but you love so much already.鈥�
Alirad is now five months pregnant with her 鈥渞ainbow baby.鈥� But because she had a prior medical leave last fall and then took an additional leave of absence for her miscarriage in the spring, her short-term disability insurance will not renew in time for the birth. She鈥檚 been told she only has one week left of short-term disability to use after birth instead of 12. The decision feels like another slap in the face, Alirad said, because if she had gotten to use bereavement leave after her miscarriage, her short-term disability would have reset in time to use it for a maternity leave.
Some educators find comfort in advocacy
After her miscarriage, Alirad , calling for local, state, and federal governments to include pregnancy loss in their bereavement leave policies. The petition, to date, has received nearly 47,000 signatures.
In a statement, a CPS spokesperson said the district offers a competitive benefits package with a multitude of options for educators.
鈥淲hile our bereavement policy does not directly address miscarriages, many of our CPS employees use a variety of options available to them under our current CPS benefit package to take time off during difficult circumstances,鈥� the statement said. 鈥淎s always, CPS strives to treat our colleagues with compassion and ensure they have the resources available to heal and recover from physical and mental health issues.鈥�
Still, Alirad doesn鈥檛 want any other parent to experience the pain and invalidation she felt. She plans to work with politicians, like Duckworth, to continue her advocacy. It brings her peace to imagine that Angel, her unborn child, is proud of her.
Last year, O鈥橠onnell, who taught 1st grade in Washington, D.C., was denied paid family leave after her stillbirth. She made headlines for sharing her story, in which she said that she had asked for eight weeks of family leave to recover physically but was told that she wasn鈥檛 eligible since she was 鈥渙nly caring for [her]self.鈥�
O鈥橠onnell鈥檚 story has since inspired the city council to to offer two weeks of paid time off to employees who lose a child under the age of 21, including stillbirths. The city government also clarified that for six weeks of medical leave.
鈥淢y goal was met in terms of making sure this doesn鈥檛 happen to people after me,鈥� O鈥橠onnell said. Still, she has since quit teaching and is suing the District of Columbia Public Schools and the D.C. Office of Human Rights over the denial of her ability to use paid family leave.
A DCPS spokesperson declined to comment on ongoing litigation.
O鈥橠onnell is continuing her advocacy outside of education. She started , a nonprofit that sends self-care packages for families who have experienced stillbirths or infant death. She also is a founding member of , a nonprofit that works to lower the rates of preventable stillbirths.
鈥淭his is getting me through,鈥� she said.
In addition to the push for expanded bereavement leave in teacher contracts, Mancinelli and her colleague George Kemery are developing resources for administrators on how to support staff who have experienced pregnancy loss, and toolkits for both administrators and teachers themselves for announcing a pregnancy loss to students in age-appropriate ways. They also work with grieving educators so they have a support system in place before they return to the classroom after loss.
This work 鈥渟eems commonsense to me, but I do this in honor of my son,鈥� Mancinelli said. 鈥淥ne of the quotes that we associate with him is a song lyric鈥斺�榊ou are meant for amazing things.鈥� And that is why I do this. I can鈥檛 parent him like I parent my living children, so this is what I do.鈥�
