As states consider bills to restrict classroom discussions and materials related to sexuality and LGBTQ identity, some conservative pundits and politicians are using a new pejorative: They refer to educators and lawmakers who oppose such efforts as 鈥済roomers.鈥�
But incorrect or disingenuous use of the term grooming鈥攚hich describes the behavior of sexual predators鈥攃ould 鈥渄o irreparable damage to our conversation and education about child sexual abuse,鈥� a conversation that is unrelated to current debates about curriculum and classroom discussions, a leading researcher in the field said.
鈥淚t鈥檚 been a very important term, because people used to think that the only kind of sexual abuse that was taken seriously by authorities was sexual abuse that occurs through a violent physical attack,鈥� said David Finkelhor, a professor of sociology and director of the Crimes against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire.
In reality, much childhood sexual violence comes from adults who win children鈥檚 trust through 鈥済rooming鈥� behaviors designed to isolate them and to desensitize them to inappropriate relationships or criminal sexual behavior, he said.
Understanding the term, and the actual dynamics of abuse, has been key in helping adults, such as parents, guardians, and educators, notice and prevent potential harm, Finkelhor said.
Politicians seize on the term 鈥榞roomer鈥�
Some lawmakers and commentators have weaponized the term, trafficking in decades-old homophobic tropes and inaccurately equating books and discussions about LGBTQ identity with efforts to condition children for sexual exploitation.
That happened in connection with Florida鈥檚 Parental Rights in Education bill, signed into law by Gov. Ron DeSantis in March.
The law prohibits teachers from providing classroom instruction on 鈥渟exual orientation or gender identity鈥� to kindergarten through 3rd-grade students. Its supporters say it will help preserve parents鈥� rights to shape their children鈥檚 views on sexuality and gender. Opponents say it harmfully stigmatizes LGBTQ students, teachers, and families.
鈥淚f you鈥檙e against the Anti-Grooming Bill, you are probably a groomer or at least you don鈥檛 denounce the grooming of 4-8 year old children,鈥� DeSantis Press Secretary Christina Pushaw wrote in a March 4 tweet, using her own nickname for the legislation.
As other states have debated similar bills, and legislation and policies restricting transgender student鈥檚 participation in school sports, the word 鈥済roomer鈥� has turned up on protest signs, on cable news debates, and in negative campaign ads.
That sparked a passionate response from Michigan state Sen. Mallory McMorrow, a Democrat,whose April 19 went viral. An opponent鈥檚 attempt to 鈥渄ehumanize and marginalize鈥� McMorrow by calling her a 鈥済roomer鈥� won鈥檛 stop her from criticizing similar proposed legislation that is 鈥渢argeting marginalized kids,鈥� she said.
Some educators and advocacy groups have also warned that using such language could , noting that words like 鈥済roomer鈥� can be signals to extremist groups and adherents of the QAnon conspiracy theory. Those warnings come after years reports of threats to public officials, including educational administrators.
What grooming actually is
Apart from its current misuse, educating parents about the warning signs of 鈥済rooming鈥� has been a useful tool for advocates seeking to protect children, Finkelhor said. It has helped combat misconceptions that child sexual harm is mostly acts conducted by strangers.
In reality, children are often exploited by adults who win their trust and gradually normalize inappropriately close relationships, Finkelhor said. That鈥檚 why advocates have called for things like limits on how educators and coaches communicate with students on social media and how states track and report educators accused of inappropriate relationships with students.
鈥淭hese grooming activities don鈥檛 tend to occur in public places, and they don鈥檛 tend to be part of normal learning activities in schools,鈥� Finkelhor said. 鈥淕rooming is typified by things like making someone feel special by giving them special treats or consideration, or having them do special activities, or taking them along on trips or for special work of some sort.鈥�
A potential chilling effect?
While lawmakers and parents have long debated how schools discuss issues like sex, using such extreme rhetoric and 鈥渆scalating parents鈥� anxieties鈥� could have a chilling effect, causing educators to fear a backlash for ordinary sex education lessons, Finkelhor said.
鈥淏ecause most sexuality education really teaches kids about things like consent, sexual abuse, and the dangers of early sexual activity, these kinds of things are protecting kids from from being abused and coming to harm,鈥� he said.
鈥淏ut if you are suspecting these educators of having different values from what you have, you can easily call that 鈥榞rooming鈥� and undercut what they鈥檙e doing.鈥�
School climate researchers have also said efforts to combat bullying over students鈥� sexual orientation and gender identity are key to helping all students feel safe, leading to increased classroom engagement and attendance. Some opponents to bills like Florida鈥檚 say the legislation will harm those efforts and further isolate vulnerable students by causing schools to fear legal action or political pushback for anti-bullying efforts that include mentions of LGBTQ identity or gender stereotypes.
鈥淭here鈥檚 not really any partisan disagreement about the need to stop sexual abuse,鈥� Finkelhor said. 鈥淪o let鈥檚 make sure we don鈥檛 destroy some progress we鈥檝e made.鈥�
